Well since my last post about her birthday a lot has once again changed. The following Monday after our Friday night out. She proceeds to tell me that she is still or sorry is once again with him! So yes I once again let her rip my heart out! Only positive thing that came out of that is she has finally started being honest somewhat. So I left her alone and didn’t call her or text her in almost 2 weeks.
Then as I had so much time to think about everything, I began to realize. She’s been gone over 2 months now and hasn’t even tried to help support our son (besides his phone bill). I had no problems with that when she still wanted to be my wife and was living with me! But now she is with someone else and I’m having to deal with all of this alone. Giving him lunch money. Buying all the groceries. Keeping a roof over his head and a hot shower everyday. My truck is a P.O.S.. I can’t afford another truck right now. I can’t get financing with the house and the truck she is driving around in all in my name. So I have no reliable transportation!
So I told her she needs to start helping me out financially. And she starts crying about not working and not having any money. Well your new boyfriend can help you out, you can get another job. Why should I have to suffer anymore than needed? So you can sit at home? Run around with your new boyfriend that lives an hour away? Live up the single life while still married to me? While I go to work at my full-time job! While I play the role of mom and dad all at the same time! That seems fair right? Hell no it’s not fair! Not to me or our son!
So tonight was the final straw for me as far as her being indecisive about our marriage. She keeps saying she doesn’t know what she wants! If your married to me and sleeping with another man and staying at his house all the time, then you’ve made a decision. Granted I did sleep with another woman! I felt terrible about it and it made me miss my wife even more than I did before it happened. But that was a one time mistake that I made. Not something I am continuing to do while telling the person I’m married to that “I don’t know what I want”.
Since I love her so damn much, I gave her another opportunity to come home. But I am just so sick of being lower on her list of people than someone she met 2 years ago. I can’t do it anymore! So I told her if she’s going to continue to sleep with him, then he was her decision and I can’t let her back into my heart or my house again. It absolutely breaks my heart that it has come down to this! But I can’t move on with my life while I still have hope that she may come back. So it was time for me to make that call that I can’t take her back. I can’t say I don’t want too, I just can’t do it. I’m tired of waking up every damn day thinking about my wife sleeping with another man!
I can admit that I made some stupid decisions! But I apologized for them, learned from them, and never made them again! I am a good person that deserves better than the way I am being treated by the woman I love most in this world! I have made all my wrongs right to the best of my ability. While she just keeps on doing them while trying to string my heart and feelings along for the ride! I have a big heart and deserve a woman who loves me and cares about my feelings!
All that being said, I am still in love with her! Yes I must be the biggest idiot in the world to still be as in love as I am for a woman who treats me so badly. But I have to remember she doesn’t feel that way about me obviously! That’s the only reason I feel like I can move on!
“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough” Oprah Winfrey